Still
by JustGrace13
Summary: "Ichigo Kurosaki was in love. He never admitted it out loud, but he knew that Rukia knew. And so did the monster that haunted her." Rukia is still haunted by Kaien and Ichigo can do nothing but love her as her personal monster pushes her over the edge of sanity. IchigoxRukia/Twisted KaienxRukia


Hello lovelies! A couple things before we get started:

Apparently I have a thing for Rukia wanting to go and off herself. I don't know why; I apologize.

I also love the idea of Kaien; I'm just so bent on Ichigo and Rukia being together, it makes things difficult sometimes. I wish they had messed around more with the Kaien/Rukia/Ichigo dynamic in the original story, but, oh well.

This was inspired by the song **Little Talks **by **Of Monsters and Men**.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Something happened to Rukia Kuchiki the day she met Ichigo Kurosaki. Doctors from the Soul Society blamed it on the trauma suffered from transferring Soul Reaper powers. Anyone who knew Rukia, however, understood what triggered Rukia's mental breakdown the moment they first saw Ichigo and his unnatural resemblance to her first love, Kaien Shiba._

**Still**

"I don't like walking around this old and empty house," Rukia muttered to herself. The Kurosaki household was rather daunting when Ichigo and his sisters were at school and Ichigo's father was at work. Rukia hated being alone.

Kaien stood in the corner, smiling at her with that smile that always made her melt. He reached out for her and Rukia's heart fluttered. "Hold my hand. I'll walk with you, my dear.

Ichigo came home that day to find Rukia in the bathtub. The water was bloody and she had deep cuts around her wrists, as if someone had grabbed her incredibly hard.

.

"The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake."

Ichigo awoke and saw Rukia standing over him, eyes brimming with tears. He easily welcomed her into his bed and whispered soothingly, "It's the house telling you to close your eyes."

.

Weeks later, Rukia found herself face to face with a hollow. She was standing in the Kurosaki's back yard, merely trying to get some air, when the monster took on Kaien's appearance. Rukia used the strongest kido spell she knew, blasting it back through the fence and the neighbor's fence.

"Rukia, what happened!" Yuzu came running from inside.

"Get back! He's coming!" Rukia moved in front of the younger girl protectively.

"Ichigo! Are you ok?" Yuzu ran out from around Rukia to help her older brother limp back into the house.

Rukia watched them walk past, mouth agape, and tried to figure out what could have happened to the hollow.

.

"Some days I can't even trust myself," Rukia let her head fall into her hands and told herself not to cry. "I almost killed you, Ichigo."

She looked up at him with heartbroken eyes and Ichigo couldn't help himself.

"It's killing me to see you this way." He pulled her up into his arms, kissing her hair, and trying to protect her from everything that frightened her.

.

Ichigo Kurosaki was in love. He never admitted it out loud, but he knew that Rukia knew. And so did the monster that haunted her.

.

They were in his bed, under the sheets, completely naked. He was on top, ready to enter her for the first time.

She looked up at him with scared, haunted eyes. "There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back."

"Well, tell her that I miss our little talks," Kaien spat from the corner of the room, arms crossed. He was glaring at Ichigo and Rukia's heart sunk.

"Kaien, please…" She whispered. She wanted to tell him everything, how she had managed to live on without him, how she had fallen in love with Ichigo, how she was happy now.

"Soon it will be over and buried with our past." Ichigo pressed his forehead against hers, trying to convey his every emotion to her.

Kaien moved across the room with supernatural speed and, for a moment, he and Ichigo were the same person. "We used to play outside when we were young, and full of life, and full of _love_."

The monster kissed her before tearing her apart.

.

"Some days I feel like I'm wrong even when I'm right," she whispered against Ichigo's shoulder.

Kaien was looking down at them, pure hatred glinting in his beautiful eyes every time Rukia touched the orange-haired boy beside her.

"Your mind is playing tricks on you." Ichigo wrapped an arm around her, covering her, shielding her from the monster with his love.

.

"Don't listen to a word I say," Rukia cried. Surely, Ichigo knew of her love for him. And surely, he knew that she was only lying to protect them both from the monster.

.

_The screams all sound the same…_ They were fighting another hollow, one she could see and touch and kill. It let out a pitiful, vengeful screech as it's life drained away and Rukia fell to her knees, unable to see past the scene of the death of her first love.

_How could I have left you there to die?_ Rukia screamed at the cold, bloody ground. He was there, like he always was, smoothing her hair and reminding her that he wasn't as far away as she liked to pretend.

.

They made love for the first time. Rukia pressed her forehead against his, trying to convey her emotion. "Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore," she whispered.

Ichigo understood then, no matter what else Rukia thought was real, his love was her anchor to reality. This love would connect them through everything else, real or imagined.

.

Finally, she returned to Soul Society. Doctors said Karakura had been detrimental for her health, in more ways than one. But she pressed on. She would get better.

.

Kaien appeared in dreams, nightmares, every waking moment.

"You're gone! I watched you disappear!" Rukia shouted in empty rooms. "All that's left is the ghost of you."

The next morning she woke with welts on her back. Kaien kissed every one, promising her that nothing would ever hurt her again.

.

He begged her to follow him. And Rukia wanted with all her heart to make the anguished voice happy again.

"We're torn apart. There's nothing we can do," Rukia pleaded with the ceiling she could no longer see. "Just let me go and we'll meet again soon."

.

She pictured Ichigo in her heart, with his bright hair and soft eyes, with his warm body and his life. A chill washed over her. Ichigo's hair turned dark, his eyes hard. Kaien's stone-cold body was wrapped around her, caressing her, taunting her. Then, the safety was gone. She was truly alone.

"Wait for me!" Rukia cried.

She ran. She found the tree where she had first met her love. A strength filled her, making her feel light and happy.

"I'll see you when I fall asleep."

Kaien watched her, and took her in his arms as soon as she touched the ground. "Hold my hand. I'll walk with you, my dear."

.

"Ichigo?"

"What're you doing here, Renji?"

"Have you… talked to Rukia recently?"

"No. I thought she was in Soul Society."

"She was. Do these words mean anything to you?"

"Did she give you this?"

"No… It's her suicide note. She hung herself in the forest outside the Seireitei."

Ichigo read the note again, hands shaking.

_Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore._

And then, he understood. She had loved him too.


End file.
